I'm truly sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse after 36 years of marriage is undoubtedly a deeply painful experience, and it's entirely normal to struggle with grief and find it hard to get over such a significant loss.
The question of whether a deceased loved one can still remember their past life and loved ones is a matter of personal belief and spirituality. Different cultures and religions have various beliefs about the afterlife and the connection between the living and the deceased.
Some people believe in an afterlife where the souls of the departed can still remember and watch over their loved ones. They may perceive signs, dreams, or experiences that they interpret as messages or reassurance from their departed loved ones.
Others may find comfort in the memories and the legacy their loved ones left behind. Even though they may not have direct communication, the impact and love shared during the 36 years of marriage continue to have a lasting presence in their heart and memories.
Grief is a complex and individual process, and there is no "right" or "normal" way to grieve. It's essential to allow yourself the time and space to mourn and process your feelings in your own way. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends, family, or seeking professional counseling can be beneficial during this difficult time.
Remember that grief is a natural response to loss, and healing takes time. There may be moments of sadness and pain, but also moments of love and cherished memories. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to grieve and heal at your own pace. Eventually, with time and support, you may find ways to honor your late husband's memory and carry the love you shared throughout your life.