It sounds like you are experiencing some emotional challenges and difficulties in accepting love and feeling fulfilled in your relationships. These feelings are not uncommon, and it's essential to explore the underlying reasons behind them.
Self-esteem and self-worth: Your struggle to accept love and feel special could be connected to your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself. If you don't believe that you are deserving of love and affection, it can be difficult to accept it when it comes your way.
Fear of vulnerability: Opening yourself up to love requires vulnerability, and it can be scary to let someone into your life on a deep emotional level. The fear of getting hurt or rejected may cause you to distance yourself emotionally, even when someone is offering their love.
Unrealistic expectations: You mentioned feeling like you need a girlfriend to feel special. Placing your sense of self-worth solely on having a romantic partner can create unrealistic expectations. It's essential to find validation and happiness within yourself first before seeking it from others.
Past experiences: Previous rejections or negative relationship experiences can leave emotional scars, making it difficult to trust or fully embrace love in the present.
Lack of emotional intimacy: Feeling unfulfilled in relationships may indicate a lack of emotional intimacy or a deeper connection. Building emotional intimacy takes time, effort, and open communication.
To address these challenges, consider the following steps:
Self-reflection: Take time to explore your feelings and thoughts about yourself and relationships. Consider keeping a journal to identify patterns and triggers.
Work on self-acceptance: Focus on building your self-esteem and self-worth. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and seek professional support if needed.
Embrace vulnerability: Understand that vulnerability is a part of any meaningful relationship. Take gradual steps to open up emotionally with trusted friends or a partner.
Set realistic expectations: Recognize that having a partner won't solve all your emotional needs. Find ways to feel special and loved independently through self-care and self-compassion.
Seek professional help: If these feelings persist and significantly impact your well-being, consider seeking counseling or therapy. A therapist can help you explore your feelings, work through past traumas, and provide guidance on building healthier relationships.
Remember, it's okay to have a desire for love and connection, but it's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and growth. Cultivating a loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself can be a transformative journey that positively impacts all your future relationships.