No, a narcissist is not necessarily abusive 100% of the time, which is what makes dealing with them challenging for those in their lives. Narcissistic individuals can display a range of behaviors, and their behavior can vary depending on the situation, their mood, and the people they are interacting with.
Narcissists often have a manipulative and self-centered nature, and they may engage in abusive behaviors such as gaslighting, emotional manipulation, belittling, or exploiting others to meet their needs. However, they can also be charming, charismatic, and seemingly kind on the surface, especially when they want to gain something from others or maintain a positive image.
This "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" aspect of their behavior can lead to confusion and guilt in those dealing with a narcissist. On one hand, they may experience instances of kindness or pleasant interactions that make them doubt their perceptions of the narcissist's harmful behavior. On the other hand, they may also experience the negative effects of the narcissist's manipulative tendencies, leading to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and even emotional or psychological abuse.
It's important to recognize that abusive behavior is not solely defined by physical harm; emotional and psychological abuse can be equally damaging. Abusive individuals often use a mixture of negative and positive reinforcement to maintain control over their victims and keep them emotionally invested in the relationship.
If you find yourself feeling guilty for thinking negative thoughts about someone you suspect may be a narcissist, it's essential to validate your feelings and experiences. Trust your instincts and feelings, and don't dismiss any red flags or negative patterns you have observed. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate these difficult emotions and relationships.
If you are in a situation where you feel unsafe or emotionally drained due to someone's behavior, consider establishing boundaries, seeking professional help, and, if necessary, removing yourself from the toxic environment for your well-being. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your emotional and mental health.