It is not uncommon for people to think or fixate on negative things they've done in the past. This phenomenon is known as "rumination," where a person dwells on past mistakes or regrets. The emotions you described, such as guilt and feeling like a bad person, are typical reactions when reflecting on negative actions from the past.
It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, especially during their formative years. It is a part of being human. However, the way we deal with those mistakes and grow from them is what defines us. Here are a few points to consider:
Self-Reflection: Reflecting on your past actions and understanding why you acted the way you did can be a healthy process. It shows that you are aware of the impact your behavior may have had on others and can help you avoid repeating those actions in the future.
Growth and Change: Recognize that people can change and grow over time. The person you were in elementary school or middle school might be very different from who you are now. Acknowledge the progress you've made since then and the lessons you've learned.
Apologize and Make Amends: If you feel that apologizing or making amends for past actions is appropriate and could bring closure to those affected, you may consider reaching out to them. However, it's important to be respectful of their feelings and boundaries.
Learn from the Past: Rather than beating yourself up over past mistakes, use them as opportunities for learning and personal growth. Identify what you could have done differently and how you can be a better person moving forward.
Seek Support: If these feelings of guilt and negative self-perception are causing significant distress, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support in processing these emotions and developing coping strategies.
Remember that being compassionate and forgiving towards yourself is vital. We are all imperfect and make mistakes, but it's how we choose to respond to those mistakes that defines us. Use your past experiences as stepping stones to become a better version of yourself in the present and future.