I can provide some information that may be relevant to your situation.
Dissociation is a complex psychological process that involves a disruption in the normal integration of consciousness, memory, identity, and perception. It can manifest in various ways, such as feeling detached from oneself, experiencing amnesia, or feeling like one's life is a dream or unreal.
In some cases, individuals may not be fully aware of their dissociative experiences until a later point in time, just as you described. The experience of suddenly "waking up" to feelings of being lost for a significant period is not unheard of in dissociative disorders.
It is possible for dissociation to result in gaps in memory and awareness, and these gaps can extend for extended periods, ranging from hours to years. Dissociative amnesia is one of the features associated with certain dissociative disorders, where individuals may not remember important personal information or significant life events.
If you have experienced a period of dissociation lasting nearly 12 years and feel like you've lost a significant part of yourself, it could be essential to seek professional help from a mental health expert. A therapist experienced in dissociative disorders can help you explore and understand these experiences and guide you through the recovery process.
Recovering lost memories or exploring dissociated parts of oneself can be a delicate and gradual process, and it is best approached with the support of a trained professional. They can assist you in developing coping strategies, processing emotions, and working through any unresolved issues that may be contributing to dissociative experiences.
Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and seeking help from a qualified mental health professional will provide you with the individualized support you need to navigate this experience effectively.