The phenomenon you described is often associated with narcissistic parents who have a condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. When it comes to their children, they may indeed see them as extensions of themselves rather than as separate, independent individuals with their own agency. Several factors contribute to this behavior:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have difficulty empathizing with others, including their children. They may struggle to understand or acknowledge their children's emotions, desires, and needs because they are primarily focused on themselves.
Need for Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists crave validation and admiration from others to maintain their inflated self-image. They may see their children as a means to receive this narcissistic supply, expecting their kids to reflect their greatness and fulfill their unmet emotional needs.
Control and Dominance: Narcissists often have a strong desire for control and dominance. Viewing their children as extensions of themselves allows them to exert control over their offspring's actions, decisions, and achievements.
Grandiose Fantasy: Some narcissistic parents have a grandiose fantasy of raising "perfect" children who will achieve great success and make them look good in society. They may live vicariously through their children's accomplishments.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists may manipulate their children's emotions and sense of self to keep them dependent and subservient. This manipulation can create a sense of guilt, obligation, or fear in the children, making them feel obliged to cater to their parent's needs.
Examples of how this behavior may manifest in a narcissistic parent's interactions with their children include:
a. Overbearing Expectations: The narcissistic parent may set unrealistically high expectations for their children and demand constant achievements to maintain the image of a "perfect" family.
b. Emotional Control: The parent may use emotional manipulation to make the child feel guilty or responsible for the parent's emotional well-being. For instance, they might say, "If you truly loved me, you'd do this for me."
c. Lack of Boundaries: The parent may intrude on the child's personal boundaries, invading their privacy and treating their possessions as if they were their own.
d. Diminished Autonomy: The parent may discourage the child's independence and decision-making, insisting that the parent always knows what's best for them.
e. Withholding Love and Affection: Narcissistic parents may withhold love and affection as a form of punishment when the child does not meet their expectations.
It's important to note that growing up with a narcissistic parent can have lasting emotional and psychological effects on children. They may struggle with low self-esteem, boundary-setting difficulties, trust issues, and challenges in forming healthy relationships. If you or someone you know is dealing with such a situation, seeking the help of a mental health professional or therapist can be beneficial in understanding and coping with the effects of narcissistic parenting.