Helping a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) understand how they make other people feel during an episode can be challenging but crucial for improving their relationships and emotional regulation. Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
Therapy: Encourage the individual to participate in therapy, particularly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT is a specialized form of therapy designed to help individuals with BPD develop skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and mindfulness. In therapy, they can explore how their behavior affects others and learn more adaptive ways to cope with intense emotions.
Reflective Listening: When the person is in a calmer state, engage in reflective listening. This involves actively listening to their thoughts and feelings and then reflecting back what you've understood. For example, you might say, "It sounds like you were feeling really overwhelmed and hurt during that argument."
Use "I" Statements: When discussing the impact of their behavior on others, use "I" statements to express your own feelings. For example, "I felt hurt when you said that," rather than using accusatory "you" statements. This can help them see the impact of their actions without feeling attacked.
Provide Feedback: In a calm and supportive manner, provide specific feedback about how their behavior affected you or others. Be specific and avoid making sweeping generalizations. Stick to the facts and your own observations.
Empathy and Validation: Validate their emotions and experiences while also helping them understand the emotions of others. Let them know that you understand their struggles and emotions are valid, but also gently point out that others may be affected by their actions.
Use Concrete Examples: If possible, use concrete examples of situations where their behavior had a significant impact on someone else. This can make it easier for them to understand the consequences of their actions.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage the person to engage in self-reflection during moments of calm. Encouraging them to think about how their actions might have affected others can help build insight and empathy.
Encourage Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help individuals with BPD become more aware of their emotions and reactions. Mindfulness exercises can be incorporated into their daily routine to help them recognize their emotional state in the moment.
Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Remember that helping someone with BPD understand the impact of their behavior takes time and patience. Avoid being judgmental or critical, as this could exacerbate their emotional turmoil.
Set Boundaries: While being supportive, it's also important to set healthy boundaries. Make it clear that while you are there to support them, you won't tolerate abusive or harmful behavior.
Remember that supporting someone with BPD can be emotionally demanding, and it's essential to take care of your own well-being as well. Encourage them to seek professional help from a therapist who specializes in BPD and be open to attending therapy sessions together, if appropriate.