Dealing with a difficult ex-partner, especially one with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic tendencies, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when shared custody of children is involved. It's essential to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself during this process. Here are some steps to consider:
Establish Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your ex-partner. Communicate that any discussions should solely focus on matters related to the children. Make it clear that personal attacks, humiliation, or any form of emotional manipulation will not be tolerated. Stick to this boundary consistently.
Use Written Communication: Whenever possible, communicate with your ex-partner through written means like email or text messages. This provides a record of conversations and can act as evidence if any issues arise.
Parallel Parenting: Consider implementing a parallel parenting approach, which is a parenting style where each parent is highly involved in the children's lives during their respective custody time, but they minimize direct contact with each other. This can reduce conflicts and minimize opportunities for emotional manipulation.
Utilize a Communication Platform: If the situation is particularly toxic, you may want to use a communication platform specifically designed for co-parenting. These platforms often have features like message archiving, a neutral tone, and guidelines to ensure respectful communication.
Seek Mediation: If direct communication remains difficult, consider engaging a professional mediator or counselor to assist in resolving conflicts and improving communication. Mediators can facilitate conversations and help both parties stay focused on the children's best interests.
Limit In-Person Contact: When exchanging custody of the children, try to keep any interaction brief and focused on the children. Avoid getting into discussions or arguments during these times.
Self-Care: Take care of yourself emotionally and physically during this challenging period. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space to vent and process your feelings.
Document Incidents: Keep a record of any instances where your ex-partner has engaged in harmful behavior or violated agreements. This documentation can be useful if legal action becomes necessary.
Involve Legal Professionals: If the situation becomes unmanageable and your ex-partner continues to use shared custody as a means of control and emotional abuse, consult with a family law attorney to discuss potential legal options. They can provide guidance on how to protect your rights and the well-being of your children.
Remember that maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship is ultimately about the well-being of your children. While it may be challenging, your children will benefit from having two parents who can cooperate and communicate effectively. Stay focused on their needs and strive to create a positive and stable environment for them.