Blaming oneself for things that others do to you or for things they don't do is a complex psychological phenomenon that can have various underlying causes. Here are some possible reasons why this might happen:
Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem often have a negative self-image and tend to internalize negative experiences. They may believe that they are not deserving of respect or fair treatment, leading them to blame themselves for the actions of others.
Cognitive distortions: Cognitive distortions are irrational and biased thought patterns that can lead to negative self-perception. For example, "personalization" is a cognitive distortion where individuals attribute external events to themselves, even when they are not responsible.
Fear of conflict: Some individuals might blame themselves as a way to avoid confrontation or conflict with others. Taking responsibility for things that aren't their fault can be a way to keep the peace or maintain relationships.
Past trauma or abuse: People who have experienced past trauma or abuse might blame themselves as a coping mechanism. They may believe that if they were somehow different or better, the negative experiences would not have occurred.
Seeking control: By blaming oneself, some individuals might believe that they have some control over the situation, even if it is an illusion. It can be difficult to accept that some things are beyond our control, so self-blame becomes a way to feel more in charge.
Cultural or societal influences: In certain cultures or social environments, there might be an emphasis on personal responsibility, which can lead individuals to assume blame for events, even if it's unwarranted.
Emotional manipulation: In some cases, people around you might intentionally or unintentionally manipulate your emotions, making you feel responsible for their actions or lack thereof.
Addressing self-blame can be challenging, but it's crucial for your emotional well-being. If you find yourself consistently blaming yourself for things beyond your control or for the actions of others, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore the underlying reasons for this behavior and develop healthier coping strategies and self-perception. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and recognize that you are not responsible for the actions or choices of others.