When dealing with a covert narcissist, engaging in a pattern of love bombing and devaluation can indeed lead to a trauma bond. A trauma bond, also known as a betrayal bond or Stockholm Syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon where a person forms a strong emotional attachment to an abusive or manipulative individual.
Here's how the process typically unfolds:
Love Bombing: In the initial stages of the relationship, the covert narcissist may use love bombing to overwhelm the target with affection, attention, and compliments. This intense showering of love and admiration can make the target feel special and valued, creating a sense of euphoria and emotional dependence on the narcissist.
Devaluation: After the love bombing phase, the covert narcissist may start to devalue the target. They might become critical, dismissive, or emotionally unavailable. This shift can leave the target confused, hurt, and desperate to regain the affection and validation they received during the love bombing phase.
Trauma Bonding: The fluctuation between extreme highs during love bombing and extreme lows during devaluation creates an emotional rollercoaster for the target. This rollercoaster, combined with intermittent reinforcement (occasional positive attention), can intensify the emotional attachment. The target may begin to believe that the only way to experience love and validation is by pleasing the narcissist or meeting their demands, which reinforces the trauma bond.
Dependency and Isolation: The covert narcissist may use the trauma bond to exert control over the target, isolating them from friends and family to maintain dominance in the relationship. The target becomes increasingly dependent on the narcissist for validation and emotional stability, which further strengthens the trauma bond.
It's essential to recognize that trauma bonding is a complex psychological process and can happen in various abusive relationships, not just with covert narcissists. Breaking free from a trauma bond can be challenging, but seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be crucial in healing and rebuilding a healthier sense of self.
If you suspect that you or someone you know might be in a toxic or abusive relationship, seeking professional help is vital to address the situation safely and effectively. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support throughout the healing process.