The behavior you're describing is often referred to as "blame-shifting" or "deflection." It is a defense mechanism that some individuals may employ to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to shift the blame onto someone else. There could be various reasons why someone might engage in this behavior, such as avoiding feelings of guilt, protecting their self-image, or manipulating others to gain sympathy or support.
Here are some potential reasons why someone might try to blame their wrong actions on the person they wronged:
Avoiding consequences: By blaming the other person, they hope to escape the negative consequences of their actions and avoid facing any punishment or repercussions.
Protecting their self-image: Accepting responsibility for their wrongdoings might shatter their self-perceived image as a good or moral person. Blaming someone else allows them to maintain a positive self-image.
Shifting guilt: Acknowledging their wrongdoing can lead to feelings of guilt and remorse, which can be emotionally distressing. Blaming the other person helps them shift the burden of guilt onto someone else.
Manipulation: Blame-shifting can be a manipulative tactic to gain sympathy or support from others. They might want others to view them as the victim rather than the wrongdoer.
Self-preservation: In some cases, individuals may resort to blame-shifting as a survival mechanism, especially in situations where admitting their wrongdoing could have severe consequences on various aspects of their life (relationships, career, etc.).
It is essential to recognize that blame-shifting is not a healthy or constructive behavior, and it can be harmful to the person being wronged as well as the person engaging in this behavior. Here are a few tips on how to handle such situations:
Stay calm and composed: Reacting emotionally might escalate the situation further. Try to stay calm and collected while addressing the issue.
Communicate assertively: Express your feelings about their actions and the impact it had on you without being aggressive or confrontational.
Set boundaries: If necessary, establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
Encourage accountability: Encourage the person to take responsibility for their actions and their consequences.
Seek support: If the situation is too overwhelming, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor.
Remember, people's behavior is complex, and there could be underlying reasons for their actions. However, blaming others for one's own mistakes is not a healthy or fair way to handle conflicts or errors. Encouraging accountability and honest communication can help foster healthier relationships and personal growth.