Yes, what you are describing is not uncommon in therapy, especially when working through complex trauma and attachment issues. This phenomenon is often referred to as "therapist pleasing" or "people-pleasing" behavior, where the client feels a strong desire to make their therapist happy or satisfied, sometimes at the expense of their own needs or progress in therapy.
There are several reasons why this can happen:
Seeking Approval: Clients may have a strong need for approval from authority figures, including their therapist. They might believe that meeting their therapist's expectations will lead to validation and acceptance.
Avoiding Conflict: Some clients fear conflict or disappointing their therapist, so they may avoid expressing difficult emotions or discussing uncomfortable topics to maintain a positive relationship.
Transference: Transference is a psychological phenomenon where feelings and attitudes from past relationships are transferred onto the therapist. Clients might unconsciously view their therapist as a parental figure and act in ways to gain their approval or avoid disapproval.
Fear of Abandonment: Clients with attachment issues may fear that if they do not please their therapist, the therapist might reject or abandon them.
Lack of Self-Compassion: Clients who struggle with low self-esteem or self-compassion might prioritize the needs of others (including the therapist) over their own well-being.
It's essential to be aware of this tendency and discuss it openly with your therapist. Honest communication about these feelings can help both you and your therapist understand the dynamics at play and work together more effectively.
A skilled therapist will be sensitive to these dynamics and will work to create a safe and nonjudgmental space for you to express your true feelings and needs. Therapy is most effective when clients feel empowered to work towards their personal growth and healing rather than focusing solely on pleasing the therapist.
If you find it challenging to shift your focus from therapist pleasing to personal growth, you might want to explore this further in therapy. Understanding the underlying reasons for this behavior can help you develop a more balanced and authentic approach to your healing journey. Remember that therapy is ultimately about your well-being and growth, and your therapist's satisfaction comes from seeing you make progress towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.