Dealing with a partner who avoids resolving conflicts, speaks out of anger, and becomes defensive can be challenging. Here are some steps you can consider taking to address the situation:
Choose the right time and place: Find a suitable and private setting where you can talk without interruptions or distractions. Avoid discussing sensitive topics when either of you is stressed or upset.
Remain calm and composed: It's essential to stay composed during the conversation. Avoid responding to anger with more anger, as that will likely escalate the situation. Instead, try to maintain a calm and understanding demeanor.
Use "I" statements: When discussing your feelings or concerns, use "I" statements to express how you feel without blaming or accusing your girlfriend. For example, say "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..."
Practice active listening: Show that you are genuinely interested in understanding her perspective by actively listening to what she has to say. Repeat back what she said to ensure you understood correctly.
Avoid blaming or accusing: Try not to place blame solely on your girlfriend. Conflict resolution should be a mutual process, and both parties should take responsibility for their actions.
Express your needs and boundaries: Let her know what you need in the relationship and what boundaries are essential to you. Be clear about what behaviors are unacceptable and how you expect to be treated.
Encourage open communication: Emphasize the importance of open and honest communication in the relationship. Encourage her to share her feelings and concerns without fear of judgment.
Consider couples therapy: If the issues persist and communication problems continue, couples therapy or counseling could be beneficial. A neutral third party can help facilitate more constructive communication and provide guidance for resolving conflicts.
Be patient: Changing communication and conflict resolution patterns takes time. Be patient and understanding as you both work through these issues together.
Assess the overall relationship: Evaluate the relationship as a whole. If patterns of harmful behavior persist and your efforts to improve the situation are consistently met with resistance, you may need to consider whether this relationship is healthy and fulfilling for you in the long run.
Remember that a healthy relationship requires effective communication, empathy, and mutual respect. If both partners are willing to work on improving the way they handle conflicts, the relationship has a better chance of growing stronger. However, it's essential to prioritize your well-being and emotional health, and sometimes that may involve making difficult decisions about the future of the relationship.