The frequency with which a narcissist may try to get back with someone can vary depending on individual circumstances and the specific narcissistic traits they possess. However, there are some general patterns that can be observed.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists tend to follow a cycle of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. During the idealization phase, they shower their target with love, attention, and compliments, making the person feel special and valued. However, as soon as the narcissist feels threatened, criticized, or no longer in control, they may switch to the devaluation phase, where they belittle, criticize, or even discard the person. After a period of time or if they feel they can regain control, they might attempt to return to the idealization phase.
Hoovering: This term comes from the vacuum cleaner brand Hoover, as it describes the narcissist's attempts to "suck" the target back into the relationship. When a narcissist feels their source of supply (emotional validation) is running low, they may try to hoover the person back into their life. This can involve sending messages, making promises, or even using manipulation and guilt to draw the person back.
Ego-Boosting: Narcissists crave admiration and validation. If they feel they are not receiving enough attention or admiration from their current sources, they may attempt to rekindle past relationships as a means of boosting their ego and reaffirming their sense of self-importance.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often lack genuine empathy and may not fully comprehend the emotional impact of their behavior on others. They may not understand or care about the hurt they caused in the past and thus may not hesitate to try and reconnect without considering the consequences of their actions.
It's essential to remember that getting back together with a narcissist can be emotionally damaging and potentially lead to more harm in the long run. Repeating the cycle of idealization and devaluation can be psychologically distressing and may undermine the target's self-esteem and well-being. If you've been in a relationship with a narcissist, it's crucial to prioritize your own emotional health and consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who can help you navigate through the healing process.