A narcissist might say positive things about their ex-partner, portraying them as good and supportive, for several reasons, even though they have narcissistic traits themselves. Understanding these reasons can shed light on the complex dynamics within narcissistic relationships:
Maintaining a Positive Image: Narcissists are often concerned about how others perceive them. By speaking positively about their ex-partner, they may be attempting to create a favorable impression of themselves. This could be a tactic to showcase that they were in a relationship with someone who was supportive and good, which indirectly reflects positively on the narcissist.
Securing New Supply: Narcissists are known to seek new sources of admiration and attention (known as narcissistic supply) from others. Praising their ex-partner might be a way to attract empathy from potential new partners, making them believe that the narcissist is capable of having healthy, supportive relationships.
Minimizing Responsibility: Narcissists often struggle to take accountability for their actions and may deflect blame onto others. By speaking positively about their ex-partner, they might be attempting to minimize their own negative behaviors in the relationship, portraying themselves as victims or emphasizing that their ex-partner was the one who caused any issues.
Hoovering or Recapturing: In some cases, a narcissist might be trying to rekindle the relationship with their ex-partner. By speaking well of them, the narcissist may be attempting to evoke positive emotions and re-establish a connection, using the ex-partner's goodwill and supportiveness to their advantage.
Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often cycle between idealizing and devaluing people in their lives, including their romantic partners. During the idealization phase, the narcissist might excessively praise their partner, portraying them as perfect and supportive. However, this idealization is often temporary, and they may later devalue their partner, criticizing and degrading them.
Exerting Control or Manipulation: Sometimes, a narcissist may use positive statements about their ex-partner to manipulate or control them. By showing that they still view their ex-partner in a positive light, they may attempt to create feelings of guilt or a desire to maintain the narcissist's approval.
It's crucial to remember that narcissists are highly skilled manipulators and may use various tactics to achieve their goals and maintain power and control in relationships. Their statements about their ex-partner might not reflect the actual truth or their genuine feelings. Victims of narcissistic relationships should be cautious not to be drawn back into the cycle of manipulation and should seek support to heal and establish healthy boundaries.